Mother knows best.

The hardest part about adulthood isn't trying to successfully date, or nailing a job interview, or making sure you get enough sleep.  It's realizing that your mother was right.  About everything.

It is god damn infuriating.

You spend years trying to prove your mother wrong.  "I'm not an idiot Ma, I know what I'm doing."  False.  You ARE an idiot and you DON'T know what you're doing.  The sooner you realize it, the better off you'll be. 

Parents are supposed to let their children fail in order for them to succeed further down the road.  My mother, however, is quite different.  She wants us to listen to her so it saves her the trouble of fixing the huge mess we are about to make by taking matters into our own hands.  I can't blame her though, my siblings and I really shouldn't be left to our own devices.  Case and point: there's a rule in our family that no one is allowed to go to Mexico without adult supervision because my mom doesn't want to have to bail us out of a Mexican prison.  She doesn't speak Spanish.  It wouldn't end well.

I am not kidding.  This is an actual rule that was made about 15 years ago and it is still very much in effect today.

The only thing that I am successfully able to do without her help is make myself food.  Even then, I still sometimes ask her what to do, because she wants to help.  I'm doing it for her sake, really, because I am a very considerate daughter.

As you get older, more and more things get added to the list of "things my mother was right about."  Things you honestly have never given a second thought to, because only moms think about them.

Admitting actually isn't the worst part of all of this, it's the smug look on her face every time you admit it.  Even telling her over the phone, you can still see her cheesy smile as every mistake you've ever made from not listening, just washes over her. 

Here is a list of things about which your mother will forever be right:

• Your laundry doesn't just magically do itself. -My mom taught my siblings and I how to do laundry at a young age so we wouldn't be helpless.  I still hate doing it, though.  Rebecca's Adulthood Survival Tip #1: When out of clean work clothes, don't wash them.  Either Febreze the hell out of them, or just head to the store and get new ones.

•  You can't have cake for dinner. -I do this all of the time.  You CAN have cake for dinner, but there are some draw backs.  One, you have to buy the cake yourself.  Which is horseshit.  Two, you of course don't buy the small cake.  You buy the one that can feed a small army because it's a better deal. (SEE MOM, I'M THRIFTY!) Three, you tell yourself you can eat that entire mammoth cake no problem.  Four, PROBLEM.  Major problem.  You get about 1/5 of the way through the cake and realize you hate yourself and have pretty much given yourself diabetes.  At this point, you are contemplating calling her and telling her about your self-inflicted tummy ache.  This is a trap.  Do NOT call her. Five, you didn't listen to me, and you called her.  Six, now comes the lecture.  "You can't eat a whole cake for dinner, Rebecca.  How many times do we have to have this conversation?"  Seven, at this point you've probably called her a dream killer or something equally as ridiculous, but you are on a very emotional sugar high and cannot be held responsible for your own actions.  Eight, you have now apologized for your sugar induced rage and offer her some cake.  Nine, she says some backhanded thing about how she's eating an adult dinner with vegetables and everything so she doesn't want cake, and it sends you into another tirade.  Ten, you realize that she is right, so you stop arguing and tell her how much you love her. 

• Your friends are shit. -Hear me out.  Now, your mom doesn't hate every person you've ever met, but she does.  Your mom can see a person and immediately know every mistake they have ever made in their life, and she judges them for it.  Of course, she won't say this to their face.  She will be as pleasant as can be, but the minute they leave, she will look at you with such disappointment on her face and say, "no, they're no good."  You of course don't listen and continue your friendships.  Mother stays silent and lies in wait.  Then the day comes when you have a fight with them, and she pounces.  "I told you they were no good.  Why don't you ever listen to me?"  You roll your eyes and get annoyed, but then you think that maybe they aren't any good for you.  And that is how you end friendships because your mom planted a time bomb in your brain and after 5-10 years of nonsense, it explodes.  So, thanks mom. (This is said with the heaviest of sarcasm.)

• Saving money isn't that hard. -This one is an absolute lie.  It should be saving money is important, but of course your mother doesn't say that.  She has to make sure that you know that there is something wrong with you because you are unable to save money.  My life motto is "You can't take it with you when you die," and I use it nearly every day to discuss my financial standings.  Probably why I own more books than I have friends in this world.  Saving money is actually really important, and it allows you to buy a $60 shower curtain AND pay your rent at the same time, which is pretty cool.  If my mom had put it in those terms when I was 18, I probably wouldn't have fought her so hard on it.  Who am I kidding, yes I would.

• You need to make a doctors appointment. -You can actually get away with not doing this one, and not even solely because you avoid making them at all and pray you don't die. Rebecca's Adulthood Survival Tip #2: Here's a real life transcript of how to successfully avoid scheduling your own doctors appointments.
• "Mom, I'm so sick.  I can't do anything.  I'm dying!"
• "You aren't dying, Rebecca. Go to the doctor if you don't feel well."
• "What? No.  I hate doctors.  I won't go."
• "Okay, then suffer, I don't care."
• "How would I even do that?  I don't know anything about anything.  Do I have insurance?"
• "Yes, we have insurance.  The insurance card is on the table, just call the doctor's office and tell them you want to schedule an appointment, then bring that card with you and it will be all taken care of."
• "WAIT! I have to not only schedule the appointment, but I also have to drive myself there?! I'm good, I'd rather die."
• At this point, my mom had hung up the phone.  She called back about 10 minutes later.
• "Your appointment is all set for this afternoon and I'll come get you."
• Hah, so easy.

• You actually have to buy your own groceries. -WHAT?! You mean my fridge won't miraculously refill itself after my roommate and I have eaten everything during a late night binge? You mean to tell me that I actually have to make a list of food I have run out of, get dressed, and drive MYSELF to the store to purchase things with MY OWN money?  Stop the ride, I want to get off.

I have only hit on a few of things here.  There will be so many more in your lifetime, I promise you.  Will it get any less annoying realizing that she was right?  Nope.  If anything it will make you want to strangle her because you know you are going to have to say those three little words, "you were right."  Every time you utter that phrase, you die a little inside.  It's okay, though, because you will be rewarded when you have kids that you can torture for decades, and that's what parenting should be all about.