I am always open to suggestions as to what to discuss on each post. So, when my best friend said he wanted me to talk about boobs, I happily accepted the challenge.
Now, he did not specify exactly how he wanted boobs brought up. He left that to me. He is going to be so pissed when he reads my interpretation of his suggestion, which will please me greatly.
Everyone, I present to you, a woman's guide to boobs.
Boobs are a right of passage for every female. Some are small, some are large, all of them are amazing.
Sometimes.
Personally, mine annoy me about 87% of the time. If I am not dropping food on or in between them, then they are suffocating me when I lay down. If they aren't suffocating me, then they are getting in the way of me seeing my feet. If they aren't obstructing my view, then they are making it nearly impossible to give someone a hug without it being awkward. Men, you have no idea how lucky you are not to have these literal sacks of fat just resting on your chest. Although, you do have to deal with surprise boners throughout your day. So, we will call it a draw on this one.
I enjoy having them though, because they are personal pillows that you always have on you. Literally. I used to nap on them in high school instead of staying awake and learning.
The biggest drawback to having boobs, though, has to be bras. Everything about bras is a hassle, and I mean everything. The straps. The lack of straps. The underwire. The lack of underwire. The attempted murder by the rogue underwire. Sports bras being the most comfortable yet the least sexy. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.
Oh, and don't even get me started on the minimal choices there are when it comes to purchasing one. Cute bras are only for tiny chested women and prepubescent teens. Which is kind of fucked up, don't you think? I not only have the pleasure of getting old and saggy, I am also unable to find pretty bras to enjoy the short amount of time I do have with my perky friends. I am only able to find flesh colored prison garments to hold my glorious bosom.
Women will get into physical altercations with other women over bras. You do NOT want to be in the "intimates" section when there are 4 women and only one attractive bra bigger than an A-cup available. It isn't a pretty sight. Fists get thrown, rude comments about one's mother are made. Seriously, it's rough.
Also, can we talk about how expensive they are for a second? I do not want to have to put out a second mortgage on my home just so I can own more than 3 bras. I mean I understand, it's precious cargo, and they should be treated with the utmost respect and care, but 50 dollars?! COME ON! You honestly expect me to spend half my paycheck on one bra, just because it may or may not have FAKE jewels on them, or some fancy lace stitching, or be a color other than Caucasian Nude? Are you fucking kidding me?!
Listen, I'm not asking, nor am I expecting to look like a Victoria's Secret model when I buy one, but it is no wonder they are all so damn skinny. No one can afford to eat AND wear that lingerie.
That's it. That's what it's like to be a woman with breasts in today's world. Sorry if that ruins boobs for you, men of Earth. I just needed you to understand what women go through.
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