Life is confusing.

As a kid, I used to imagine what it would be like to be all grown up.  Maybe I would have a big house with a long, winding banister I could slide down.  Maybe, I would own a convertible.  Maybe, I would live in the sewers protecting New York City from the Foot Clan with the rest of the Ninja Turtles.  If you knew me as a child, the latter made the most sense for my future.  While I dreamt big and usually about fairly happy things, for some reason I sincerely believed that quicksand would be a bigger issue than it actually is.

This isn't a metaphor.  I wasn't some poetic, tortured soul that imagined adulthood would swallow you up, and leave naught in its wake.  I mean I was concerned about ACTUAL quicksand.  You know, wet patches of sand that would slowly suck you into the Earth until you suffocated and died.

I honestly have zero clue as to when, where, how, or why this became a concern of mine, either.  I did watch a lot of movies and read a lot as a kid, and I do have a very active imagination, so I guess it can be attributed to those things, but I was genuinely terrified that quicksand would be a huge issue in my adult life. 

It isn't, obviously.  Which sort of makes me sad because I thought about this so much, that I had actual plans as to how to escape, were I ever to be trapped in it.  I mean I made Home Alone style blueprints that were quite detailed, and to this day have never gotten the chance to put these plans into action.  My dreams are dead. 

Surprisingly, I am not alone in this.  I have had this conversation with several friends.  Where did this fear come from?  Seriously, it bothers me that no one has the answer.  It's not like our parents would leave notes in our lunchbox about it.  "Have a great day today.  Do well in school.  Respect your teachers.  Oh and be wary of the quicksand."  If that were the case, it wouldn't have bothered me for 20+ years, and I could just blame my parents for the problems in my life like normal Americans do.

Is it just one of those things that is a staple of your childhood?  Kind of like how every town has that one creepy house that no one goes near because you're convinced a witch lives in it.  Or how every family has that one person who is at every party/event, but no one can figure out how they are actually related to anyone?

I have come to accept that no one truly knows the answer to all of my questions, or every single person on the planet is a dick and likes torturing me.  I honestly can't tell which is more likely.  But, if I have learned anything from watching every episode of The X-Files, it's that "the truth is out there," and I will find it one day.  Or, I won't and I will just die without ever knowing.

Mayhaps this means that adulthood is the quicksand that I so desperately feared.  So, I guess I was right all along and can now die happy.

Huh, so, in reality, life ruining my dreams actually made my dreams come true? That's confusing and I hate it.